A few modern brides object to the idea of showers because they are grown up, professional women who already own all the toasters and fajita makers they need, and they paid for it all themselves, thank you very much. In preparation for writing this book, we interviewed several brides, and even the ones who were most adamant about not wanting gifts discovered that old habits die hard and if you’re getting married and inviting people to a wedding, they are just going to give you a gift. So most brides say they gave up in the end and decided to register to make it easy for people. And to make sure that the gifts they received would be something they’d actually like to own. And isn’t that the point anyway?

People want to share in your happiness. They want to help you get off to a good start in your new life, and this is the way it’s done.
Here, then, are a few rules and guidelines for showers because if it’s going to happen, you might as well do it the right way. First, the idea of a women-only shower is only one way of conducting this ritual. Men help with the gift registry, and they often attend the shower. After
all, they’ll be using the dishes too, not to mention washing them often. They have a right. In fact,  couples showers are increasingly popular as they bring the bride's and groom's friends together to form connections before the big day. Couples showers often carry a theme such as an entertainment, boating, home improvement, camping, or any other interest you share as a couple. On the other hand, if you want to keep it all female, there certainly is historic precedent for that.

In decades not so far in the past, a bride often had several showers. These were specialty showers, ones where the gift was supposed to fit into a certain category, such as kitchen, linen, and personal; there were even Tupperware showers. A girl often had several sets of friends classmates and sorority sisters, family, and friends from work, and each group found a time to shower the bride-to-be with gifts. Family and friends were invited to the kitchen and the linen shower, but only close girlfriends, perhaps sorority sisters, attended the personal shower. It wasn’t considered proper to open such personal items in the company of the mothers of the bride and groom.

One of the oft mentioned responsibilities of the maid of honor is to give the bride a shower. Some etiquette guides say that a close relative should not be the one to host your bridal shower, and that may be so...unless your maid of honor is your  sister, in which case, she’d be perfectly justified.  We think it’s all right for the mother of the groom to give the bride-to-be a shower too, especially as  it might serve to introduce her to other female family members and friends of the groom. The mother of the bride...unless there is absolutely  no one else willing to do it, that’s still frowned upon in most societies.

Showers can have a theme in keeping with the wedding, a theme of their own, or even none at all. They are, by definition, kitschy. You can carry the traditional bridal shower to the extreme, playing shower games and serving cake and punch—this was standard procedure throughout the last century. Or you can eschew the games, serve wine and cheese, kick back, and have a more modern gathering. How many you have and the way each is hosted is entirely up to you and your friends.